In the Adaptable Leader framework, we refer to the "Illuminate" posture as the posture of giving feedback. We step into this critical posture anytime we shine a light on something we observe, for the benefit of a group or an individual. As with most postures, it's all about the delivery. We can fly or we can flop.
We can illuminate in ways that support clarity and progress. We can also illuminate in ways that lead to unnecessary conflict, resistance, or confusion. Can you relate to either of these common pitfalls?
Do you bury feedback?
Are you familiar with that old "Feedback Sandwich" model? ("Say something nice, then give your constructive feedback... then say something nice again.") The concept is not without good intent, but it is flawed and often feels quite contrived.
In our efforts to encourage and soften the blow, we sometimes build a sandwich that resembles those grilled cheeses made with a slice of cheese so thin it's hardly noticeable between the two giant pieces of Texas toast.
We bury the cheese.
We bury the feedback.
There are better ways. We don't want our constructive feedback to be lost like a sad piece of cheese between two obnoxiously thick pieces of bread.
Ok, I'm done with the sandwich talk. I promise.
Do you tend to bury constructive feedback? The "nice" sandwich model is just one example of this. You might burry your feedback in:
Unspecific and inauthentic praise and niceties
Misplaced humor or sarcasm
Passive-aggressive behavior
Conflicting and inconsistent messages
Unclear and unspecific context
Does your feedback bite?
Perhaps your feedback isn't buried under anything, but you still aren't seeing positive outcomes with some of your people. It could be because your feedback has a little too much "bite" to it.
Some people respond well to this type of feedback, but many do not. As you are reading this you may be thinking "Ok, but people need to grow thicker skin. Toughen up, buttercup!" That may be true, but right now we are talking about you keeping your side of the street clean. In all interactions, there are responsibilities on both sides. The other person's responsibility is to develop more resilience and look for the nuggets of value and insight in your feedback regardless of your delivery. Your responsibility is to communicate well as you balance your candor with maturity, grace, and care.
If your feedback has too much bite to it, you may find:
People shut down, believing they can't meet your expectations.
People are confused. They get the message that you aren't happy with their performance, but they aren't sure what change needs to look like or how to get there.
People are less honest and vulnerable with you, fearing your input.
Just as burying feedback often comes from a respectable place, our biting feedback can often come from a place of wanting to be strong and direct. The goal is to be direct without being a jerk. After all, the purpose of feedback is to build others up.
So, how can we get it right?
We need to balance the intentions of both of these flawed approaches. Our goal is to care for and encourage the other person, while also being clear and direct. I like to anchor in my favorite definition of feedback:
When we give feedback, we shine a loving light on an area where we believe a person is capable of more or better.
Whether you find yourself falling into burying, biting, or something else, here are a few of my favorite tips for giving feedback.
Provide Authentic Acknowledgments
Add a simple acknowledgment when giving especially difficult feedback. This is similar to the intent behind the "sandwich," but it feels a little more natural. The key is to be honest and specific. This isn't about adding fluff to manipulate how the person will receive your comment. It's about being more balanced and accurate in your communication.
When we are genuine and specific, an acknowledgment can be powerful. It can communicate that you care, that you see and appreciate what is going right, and that you understand the challenges a person is up against. This might sound like:
"I know your goal is to grow into XYZ, and here's something that can accelerate your path toward that..."
"You and your team are up against an incredibly tight deadline. It's important that you..."
"You've had a lot of success with XYZ. The piece that isn't quite working yet is..."
Share Recent Examples
Vague feedback that isn't rooted in the context of specific situations is often difficult for another person to fully understand or implement. This is especially true if a person doesn't have a general awareness of the behavior you are giving feedback on. Share an example, and make sure it's a recent one.
Ask Open Questions
Approaching feedback conversations as a collaboration can be quite effective. This is especially true if you don't know the full story or if the other person simply needs a little thought partnership to move forward. You can use questions to aid the other person in better understanding their own behaviors or coming up with growth plans. This might sound like:
"In my somewhat limited interaction with you over the last few months, I've noticed you XYZ. Have you noticed this as a common occurrence?"
"What results have you been getting from XYZ?"
"What ideas do you have for improving XYZ?"
Know Your People
Don't forget that you are working with human beings. Building a solid relational foundation will make you a better leader. It will put people in a more open posture to receive your feedback and give you the insight needed to adapt to each person's needs and motivations. Get to know your people and don't be afraid to tailor your approach to fit the person.
I hope you find these tips useful as you "shine a loving light" for the betterment of your team and your people!